Helping Someone with Breast Cancer - Emotional Support

When someone close to you is
diagnosed with breast cancer,
it affects you too.

Breast cancer is a very personal disease. There are many different variations of breast cancer and women handle the stress of fighting this disease very differently. With that said, those of us on the outside want to help, but may feel helpless.

Family, friends, and colleagues can be a great source of support. Whether that support is emotional or practical (or both), it is important to know that for many women it is difficult to ask for help. Asking open-ended questions like "What can I do for you?" or "How can I help?" or "What do you need?" may leave you with little or no information. Think about what would help you if you were in her shoes and make specific suggestions.

Let's focus on emotional support first. When someone close to you is diagnosed, it affects you too. It is okay to feel your feelings...fear, anger, sadness, etc. You may feel confused...What should I say? What does all of this really mean? What should I do for her?

Here are some tips on providing emotional support:

1. Just be there. She is going through many emotions as well as dealing with the emotions of those around her. She may need you to listen to her, cry with her, laugh with her, or just be there when no words are needed.

2. Let her know that you care about her. 

3. Contact her regularly by phone, text or email. Be cognizant about how she prefers to communicate. For example, talking on the phone may wear her out.

4. Visit her. Don't assume she does or does not want visitors...ask if you can come over and give her a day and time. Do not visit with children unless you ask first and never visit if you are sick.

5. If you are available, be available for her. Ask if she would like you to go with her to medical appointments or to chemotherapy. It is crucial to have a second set of ears at appointments and you can help her pass the time during her chemo sessions.

What other ways can you provide emotional support for a friend diagnosed with breast cancer?

Thank you, Cathy & Bridget Regan

I want to use this post to share with you an email that we received this week. Bridget Regan did an admirable thing...she raised money to help women detect breast cancer early. Yes, people do that every day. As Michelle's sister-in-law who has watched Michelle's Place grow from Michelle's original idea as we brainstormed on her futon, I think it is pretty darn special when someone with the power of celebrity status takes the time to support us and propel us even further with not only money but exposure. Follow Bridget on Twitter at www.twitter.com/BridgetRegan

THANK YOU, Cathy and Bridget for your support. We are humbled and grateful. We appreciate your donation and helping us spread the word about Michelle's Place and our mission. We cannot wait to meet you!

Thank you, Dr. Rose! We appreciate your recommendation and your continued support.

Here is Cathy's email:

My name is Cathy Regan and in March 2012 I was diagnosed with stage 1
breast cancer, found through a routine mammogram. I feel so fortunate that
my cancer was caught at an early stage. My treatment was six weeks of
radiation and no chemo.

My daughter, Bridget Regan, is a television actress. She wanted to raise
some money to help other women detect their cancer early like I did. So
she decided to auction an item from her television series LEGEND OF THE
SEEKER on ebay. She raised nearly $2000 which she has sent Michelle'sPlace.

Bridget wanted me to choose the charity. My radiation oncologist, Dr. Mary Anne Rose, told me about Michelle's Place. After looking over your website
and reviewing your programs I chose Michelle's Place. I was very moved by
Michelle's story, the dedication of her parents and family, and the help
you are offering women with cancer and their families.

I live in Carlsbad and someday hope to head on up to Temecula to meet some
of the wonderful people at Michelle's Place . Thank you for all you do and
know my daughter's donation will be put to great use.

Sincerely,
Cathy Regan

Perception is Everything.

This week I (Michelle's Place on Twitter) received a tweet that read "what about pancreatic? We've nailed breast?"
This stopped me in my tracks. Do people really believe we have nailed breast cancer? Does the statistic of approximately 90% chance of 5-year survival when diagnosed in the early stages imply that we have it under control and there is no reason to worry?
I don't think so.

According to the American Cancer Society, your relative survival rate decreases if you are diagnosed with breast cancer before the age of 40. Yes, it drops to 84%.
If you do not catch breast cancer early which can happen easily in today's down economy when not everyone is insured and can easily get the diagnostics they need, 5-year relative survival is 23% for distant stage disease and tumor size plays a part in this too. (Source: ACS Breast Cancer Facts & Figures 2011-2012)
And remember, just a few weeks ago...Robin Roberts, announced she has a blood disorder called MDS,  myelodysplastic syndrome (preleukemia), resulting from chemotherapy from her breast cancer over 5 years ago. Here she was on a journey that had her believing she was cancer free and now she is facing more excruciating treatments. I lost my mother to Leukemia that started as MDS resulting from chemotherapy in March of this year and her doctors told her she was going to beat it too.  I want Robin Roberts to beat MDS because no one should have lose this battle. Ideally, no one should have to face this battle. I still have a lot of questions about the long-term consequences of the breast cancer treatments we are using and where that leaves women 5-10 years down the road. Especially if younger women are dealing with more aggressive breast cancers and chemotherapy gets stronger and more aggressive.
So have we really nailed breast cancer? My answer is no.

The statistics show we are heading in the right direction. Death rates have been decreasing since 1990 especially in younger women which means we are getting the education out there for early detection. We need to make sure women understand that just because breast cancer does not run in your family does not mean you are off the hook. 85% of breast cancers occur in women with no family history. My sister-in-law, Michelle, who we lost at age 26 had no family history. Educating the community is a large part of what we do at Michelle's Place. However, as long as we are seeing women walking through our doors misdiagnosed, the battle will be far from over. Get educated, ask questions, and be your own health advocate!
Are we fighting the battle like true warriors? Yes.
How are you waging war against breast cancer?