Your Wife Has Breast Cancer and Your Powers have been Rendered Useless

I am going to apologize up front for offending anyone with the generalizations I apply in this post. I do so with the best of intentions. Obviously, there are always exceptions.

Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus.
This concept is crucial when you consider how a man feels when his significant other has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Often we focus on the woman and how she is feeling but the husband deserves some attention too. The journey can be long and men are typically not the primary focus when their partner is faced with a breast cancer diagnosis.  However, understanding their coping mechanisms and getting them the type of support they need is critical.

At Michelle's Place Breast Cancer Resource Center, we have never had success in establishing an ongoing husbands/partners support group. This is not surprising because most men do not want to sit and discuss their problems, especially with people that they do not know well. Many men say it makes them feel worse to discuss their problems and prefer to focus on actions to improve the situation or cope by participating in activities that will distract them such as exercising or spending time with friends.

It seems to be the feeling of powerlessness that is the hardest for men. Many men cope by taking control of a challenging situation and focusing on a plan of action. It is truly a struggle to stand by and watch as their wife endures painful treatments and then have to deal with unknowns. All the while, their lives are turned upside down with changes in daily work life and household responsibilities. Add to this worries about children and changes in their relationships with their wives. Since most men like to fix problems, it is not surprising they rate their spouses cancer diagnosis as the worst thing that can ever happen to them - worse even than being diagnosed with cancer themselves.

If you know a man that is in this situation, I want to introduce you to a man that I admire and I only know him through his book. Mike Stalter has written a book called Still Have Faith. He wrote this book about about his experience with his wife's 17½-year battle with breast cancer. I admire Mike because he took the time to write this book with honesty. He does not romanticize the situation and turn it into a "made for tv" movie. He is candid...he readily admits he feels he could have done more. I am not going to spoil it for you though. I do recommend this book and I am donating 2 copies to our Michelle's Place library in hopes that it will help spouses/partners of our clients.

You can purchase the book on Mike's website at www.stillhavefaith.com or you can purchase the Kindle edition on Amazon. You can find him on Facebook too.

 

Announcing our Metastatic Breast Cancer Self Help Group

At Michelle's Place Breast Cancer Resource Center, it is a large part of our mission to provide emotional support to those with breast cancer.  Even if you are blessed with a personal support network (family, friends, church, coworkers, etc.), a breast cancer patient can still feel the need to connect with others going through similar experiences.
We offer support groups for women, Spanish-speaking women and their families and for children. This month we are adding a new group.

Metastatic breast disease is breast cancer that has not just come back, but has made its way through the bloodstream and spread to other organs of the body, such as the bones, liver, or brain. Cancer spread may be present at first diagnosis or after recurrence. Many women can live for years with metastatic cancer that is under control. For these women, living with a diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer is like living with a chronic disease. However, their needs are much different than those of a woman recently diagnosed or her cancer is isolated to the breast.

Michelle’s Place is thrilled to announce the addition of a new support group specifically for these women.  Rachel Mason,  M.S., M.A., Director of Community Relations at Delta Hospice of Inland Valley has graciously agreed to facilitate this new group.  Rachel is a certified mental health professional, she has worked in the Hospice industry for the last 15 years and currently serves on the Michelle’s Place Advisory Board.  The Michelle’s Place Metastatic Breast Cancer Self Help Group will meet the 4th Wednesday of each month at 5:30pm at Michelle’s Place.  For more information visit www.michellesplace.org, email info@michellesplace.org or call 951-699-5455.

See our complete support group schedule.
Learn more about our Spanish-support group or Kids Konnected.

At Michelle's Place, we believe no woman should face breast cancer alone.